VIVIAN | SF BAY AREA WOMEN’S PHOTOGRAPHER

What was supposed to be a portrait session of my friend, Vivian, turned to a deeply vulnerable and personal shoot. I held back tears with this one.

As soon as Vivian arrived to the studio, the first thing we did was look through her wardrobe. There was a cool colorful jacket. Some bold accessories. A netted shirt and some hip torn black jeans. And then there was her father’s button up shirt—the single piece of clothing I was drawn to immediately.

Why her father’s shirt?

Because Vivian had recently lost her loving father in May of 2021 to COVID. Someone with whom she had a strong bond. Like most COVID related passings, she didn’t get to say goodbye. It all happened fast and unexpectedly. There wasn’t much time to grieve his departure. Yes, his absence on earth was still very tender. An absence that’s very relatable to many, specially during this pandemic.

This single item, a button up shirt, is also the only thing Vivian kept of his. Hence the reason why I felt a strong urge to photograph her with this. I just KNEW we had to honor him in some way.

There wasn’t a plan with how I wanted to document Vivian wearing her father’s shirt. I simply followed my intuition, heart and went with the flow.

We started off with some easy portraits of Vivian draped in her father’s shirt. Sitting in stillness. Quietly. Breathing.

Suddenly, I had this idea. I said to Vivian, “I want you to move around as if your father is hugging you with this shirt. Pretend the shirt is your father. How would you hold him if he were here?”

These next images are what I call “magic”.

Vivian went with my idea like the artist that she is. Out of her head and with her heart. I nearly burst into tears. I could feel her grief and the deep love she has for her beloved father as she rolled around tugging and pulling at his shirt.

After several minutes, I asked Vivian to lay there in stillness. In silence. To hold herself just as she would her father. And so, she did.

This entire experience was beyond beautiful. It’s also the perfect example of the magic that happens when you surrender. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable and raw. When you allow HER to be seen.

Vivian, mi amiga, thank you for sharing your heart and a piece of your father with me. With us + the rest of the internet world.